123 thoughts on “Understanding WHY: the chastity talk you *wish* you were having

  1. Sierra says:

    I had a thought about how taste testers cleanse their pallets–after Googling, I discovered several people recommend bland bread and water, as the bread absorbs and the water cleanses. How perfect is it that Jesus Christ is the bread of life and living water? If you wanted to tie in the Atonement and cleansing the pallet, that might be one way to do it. (Also, I’m presenting this lesson to my YW tomorrow [with a few tweaks to fit my experience and the girls’]! I just baked a bunch of delicious chocolate cupcakes.) Thank you for your willingness to share this analogy.


  2. Connie Davis says:

    Thank you so much for this lesson. It’s excellent! I will use parts of it to teach in young women’s. I am very grateful that you published this on the internet. Thank you again.


  3. Alayne Chavez says:

    Great lesson. Thanks so much for sharing! Gave me some great ideas for my upcoming lesson. We all dread giving this lesson every year, but this is perfect and well presented!


  4. Jamie B says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this lesson. I had a good mom that wasn’t shy about sex and I have been very open about it with my kids. But I am preparing to teach my young women about it and you said everything I want them to hear in an easy to digest way. Thank you so much for the help!!!


  5. Jessica says:

    This is an amazing lesson! I’m in Young Women’s right now, and I’ve been struggling with the HOW of this lesson. I knew what I wanted them to feel… but didn’t know how to get there. Thank you so much for this!!!
    I too, wish that someone had approached this lesson this way when I was a teen. Luckily, I have parents that ARE very open to talking about these things… so I guess there is a balance… but as a youth it is very hard to understand. The food analogies made it so much more understandable!!!
    Thank you thank you thank you!!!


  6. preciousbear says:

    OH MY GOODNESS! This is amazing! I have always loved having these kind of discussions with my family and now as a wife and mother I am looking forward to teaching my kids (my first is just barely born) the teachings of Christ. This is a great way to explain this and I will definitely be using this analogy and lesson as I get older and will probably use it in mutual activities. THANK YOU SO MUCH!


  7. Victoria says:

    Alaina! Thank you so much for the willingness to share this lesson. I have always wanted to teach a lesson on sex to our teens but wanted the approach to be far from a “you better not do it or you’ll go to hell” sermon. I am a very visual person and so are kids these days. Since we have to compete with so much visual stimuli the teens receive daily, your visual aides are perfect for reinforcing the lesson. I will definitely use this at our next meeting. Thank you again! I can’t wait! I needed you years ago but thank God, He’s using you now to help the next generation.


  8. Tania says:

    One correction, men also feel attachment with sexual release and oxytocin (part of why skin-to-skin contact with new daddies is so important). I’ve done a fair amount of research on the topic. Men actually feel more of an emotional connection after a physical bond, and women feel the desire for a physical connection after an emotional bond.


  9. Brianna Shoemaker says:

    Thank you so much for this. I truly appreciate this new perspective on chastity. This helps me al lot. This was so helpful and awesome to read.


  10. Deb Nalder says:

    I thought your lesson was wonderful. It is the way my sweet innocent grandchildren about chastity. I have a heart wrenching concern. I was abused many times in my youth, before I joined the church and after by two temple recommend holders. My 6 year old granddaughter was abused last year. When abuse occurs boundaries have been smashed through and have to very carefully be rebuilt with the help of a skilled councillor. These issues must be addressed in any lesson or in a lesson that quickly follows, about chastity. Why? Because there will be someone in your class who has been a victim or knows someone who has been. They need the assurance that comes from gospel teachings about their innocence in Gods eyes. The Attonement perhaps should be the lesson that follows the one you gave. That Christ died for our sins and our pains. Please reinforce that sometimes we are victims of another’s sin but that Christ has has cried with us because he felt our pain and can heal us. When this doctrine is taught early then our youth can be made whole before their misunderstood and unwarranted guilt takes root and before the wound festers. Youth who are not taught this properly grow into adults who feel that they will never be clean.

    Liked by 2 people

    • wendyejessen says:

      Deb–I’m writing a book on this very topic and read this post for my chapter on rethinking how we teach chastity, because victims of abuse–like you and me–have a difficult time separating immorality and sexual abuse. Chastity lessons were awful for me to sit through as I was abused from age 3 into my early teen years. If you’d like, I have a website I started a few months ago to help vicitms: http://www.survivorshopeandhealing.wordpress.com


  11. supaflowapowa says:

    I like the second and third reasons, but as a convert and someone who didn’t always follow the law of chastity, the first reason would fall into the “prude” and “ancient” category of oh my goodness, whatever…. eye roll, blah blah blah – because people having sex before marriage aren’t exactly scared of it becoming “boring” or “unexciting” – that’s in fact why they are afraid to get married, they’d rather just keep hooking up with someone new. I’d liken it to more of the “if you haven’t tasted chocolate yet, once you have it, you will keep wanting it, but you want to save your chocolate for someone special because of reasons 2 and 3” i dunno.. it just doesn’t quite sit right with me if i were someone who had broken the law of chastity and were sitting in your class. that’s all… but I do love the other two reasons and in my singles ward, they actually talked about emotions you might feel if you had intimate relationships and then because girls are wired to feel more than guys and have this release of emotional attachment compared to guys, this was a huge reason for us to hold onto the law of chastity, to protect ourselves. thanks for the ideas!


  12. Ann says:

    Firstly, I want to thank you for putting this lesson and yourself “out there”. The internet can be a mean place and I think this is an awesome idea that I wish I had heard when I was in YW. Sex wasn’t discussed in my home and at church it was glossed over, so I was curious about this mysterious thing, and afraid of it. I’ve learned a lot in my adult life, and after 23 years of marriage (and a couple of therapists) I’m trying hard to not be so cryptic about it with my children like my parents were. They loved me, but my mom was embarrassed to discuss the whole thing and so was I. A loving YW leader may be the only time a girl learns that sex isn’t a bad thing, and that it’s something to look forward to and to prepare for, not to be ashamed about. Those complaining about this idea need to see it for what it is: A great lesson that can be added to or edited as needed to meet the needs of your youth. I also read the article about what Elizabeth Smart is saying. She is absolutely right, but it doesn’t need to be titled that she is “challenging” the church’s way of teaching about morality. I don’t remember ever seeing a lesson when I was a YW leader about licked cupcakes, chewed gum or molested roses (heard that one in college) Those are object lessons thought up by well meaning, but maybe misguided leaders and parents. The world we live in today is much more frank about the whole thing than 30 years ago, and with the internet, the younger we teach the children, the better. Thanks Alaina

    Liked by 1 person

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